Gardening: Why I Should Be Kept Out of the Garden

Today’s post is a guest post written by Mike Walsh from our new network blog, Election-Coverage.

 

Green Thumb? Only If I accidentally dye the thing.

I like, and have grown, several varieties of hot peppers: Habaneras, Cayenne’s and Jalapenos. They grew rather well as I remember. But that, I think, had more to do with the hardiness of these particular plants, which could apparently deal with what little quality attention I was throwing their way and less to do with any innate ability to grow and nurture anything.

I look at gardening with something of a bemused eye, because most of the time it is my wife who is doing the watering and the pruning and all the other little things that go along with being a gardener. Me, I sit there and grab the stuff that she needs me to grab.

“Honey, could you go grab me the potting soil from under the table?”

“Sure thing Hon!” is my usual response.

“Hon, could you grab the Philodendron and water it?”

The who-do-what drone, “Is that the Pretty One with the Purple Flowers?”

“No, it’s a green leafy plant.”

There’s me looking around at 60 green leafy plants, scratching my head, knowing the most intelligent thing I can do is screw this up badly enough where she won’t ask me to do it again.

Ok, that never actually happened, but I’ve had run-ins close enough where that could have realistically happened.

And yes we have that many plants. I’m just thankful I’m not in charge of them or we’d have 60 dead plants, and I’d have one unhappy wife.

What do I actually know about plants? Not much but I know a few things.

1) They Need Sun. How much depends on the plant. Some need direct sunlight, while others can live with indirect sunlight. I don’t know which one is which most of the time. It’s easier just to leave them near a window and hope as far as I see it.

2) They Need Water. How much depends on the plant. Some can live on very little, like Cacti. Others need considerably more, like Tomatoes. I know this because I’ve had to water Tomatoes more often then any other plant I’ve lived around.

I Love Cacti. I can leave it for weeks on end, and ya know what? No Hassle.

Maybe I should ask the Wife to grow some Nachos.

What are some of your gardening mishaps and stories? Leave us a comment and share!